This is Shem, writing about my experience of the #48 performance.
It might seem odd (to anyone other than a fellow violinist) to say that I felt happy about this performance – I do. I was able to allow the music to move through me and simply allow it to be colored by the emotions I felt. Not self-conscious in anyway, yet aware of everything. Was execution flawless? No – however I am very clear that perfection per se is simply a cage of correctness. Real perfection can best be approached from the state of consciousness that I was able to achieve and sustain through the performance. And *that* leaves me feeling happy.
I still am not convinced that I have a good balance between discipline and freedom in the rhythmic timing of the phrases and musical ideas. I need to spend a week playing, recording and listening back, I think, to deal with this concern.
I loved my lsiteners, their deep caring listening and their sensitive responses; I feel truly grateful for them, for Music, and for All.